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Thread: theory of raising a kid.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
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    1,109

    theory of raising a kid.

    what is you theory of rasing your kids? (or am i the only one to have thought of this)

    i think of rasing my kids like relecing a coial spring. at birth they are fully compresed, and as they get older i need to let them out in a slow stedy manner. i cant keep them compresed till i send them out of the house, if you do that with a spring it will fly off in an unpredictable mannor. i hope to be able to take a tack a step back and let them ballance on there own feet whal they are still in high school, and let them do the realy dumb things whal i am there as a safty net for them.
    I ONLY APPOLIGE FOR MY SPELLING!

    federal code defining the militia, look it up for your self.
    Title 10, Subtitle A, Part I, chapter 13, Sec. 311.

    “To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.” — Theodore Roosevelt.

  2. #2
    JPSartre12 Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by emclean
    what is you theory of rasing your kids? (or am i the only one to have thought of this)

    i think of rasing my kids like relecing a coial spring. at birth they are fully compresed, and as they get older i need to let them out in a slow stedy manner. i cant keep them compresed till i send them out of the house, if you do that with a spring it will fly off in an unpredictable mannor. i hope to be able to take a tack a step back and let them ballance on there own feet whal they are still in high school, and let them do the realy dumb things whal i am there as a safty net for them.
    First, my wife and I have raised three kids, 23, 21 and 19. All are/were "A" students that never got into any trouble other than a few dumb deeds with their friends.
    You're philosophy is sound. Here are some of our suggestions:

    1.You give each kid enough slack to grow, but not enough to tangle the line.
    2. If you're consistent with your discipline and don't waver, they will never expect you to.
    3. It's better to punish harsh when they're young than when their older for major infractions. My kids learned at an early age that it was much better to own up to something than to lie. Lying was always punished harder than the offense.
    4. You're their parent, not their best friend. Never lose sight of that.
    5. Don't be a pedantic XXXXX. Over-disciplining is as bad as under-disciplining.
    6. Explain why you're punishing them and never punish them out of anger. It'll bite you in the butt, guaranteed.
    7. Play an active part in your kids' lives. Coach, cheerlead, be a scout leader, share a hobby, anything and everything. Face time beats "quality time" every time. You can't expect to have a good relationship with your kids vicariously. You have to get your hands dirty.
    8. Read bedtime stories to them from the time they're born and they'll be reading to you before they even start school. It will give them a definite advantage when they go to school. (Trust me on this one. I have 3 straight A students that graduated HS 1st, 2nd and 5th in their respective classes.)
    9. Don't ever let them play one parent off against the other. Speak with ONLY one unified voice.
    10. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, but err on the side of caution. They didn't come with a training manual, don't beat yourself up if you screw up occasionally. When you do, come clean with them and yourself.

    Good luck. Parenting is the most rewarding job in the world.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
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    8,178
    Ditto!

    Good post, JP!!
    If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen. —Samuel Adams

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    I agree with JP.

    I've used the 'rope method' for lack of a better name.

    Basically, a child starts out with limited freedom and options. A 'short rope' if you will. As they grow older, become more independent and knowledgeable, or have proven themselves, their rope (freedom) get's longer.
    Until on day, they have enough rope to...go hang themselves. But, hopefully, you've helped them learn how not to do so and the rope is an asset they have.

    This with the Willy Wonka approach to warnings (original movie where Willy would simply stand aside and quietly re-warn them that their course of action is not acceptable and could be harmful) is often good to get them to listen and heed occasionally obscure advice and warnings.
    You shouldn't have to be in their face with flashing lights and a bull horn to get their attention.

    This has worked perfectly for me for over a dozen years where I've had numerous compliments on my children's behavior and wasn't until the wife decided to leave me for a cult that most of the behavior of the oldest 3 has become undone. In effect, the wife has prematurely given them a long rope and pre-tied it into a noose for them. I fear for their outcome but, am currently playing the judicial game and 'winning' this battle and just hope it's resolved before permanent damage is done.
    As said in another thread, I have custody of the youngest son, 9 and other than having to deal with the wife engaging in reprisals against him, he's doing very well.
    Reprisals meaning stealing his clothing when he visits her and actively trying to cause problems for him in school so he runs a risk of failing.
    While I dealt with the teachers daily with his homework and school issues (he's special needs child) his mother ignored his academics and simply concentrated on the school principal (a friend of hers).
    It came to the point where the wife abducted him a couple of times with assistance from the school admin and used the time she kept him out of school whilst I sought legal remedy to add to his absenteism which could lead to an automatic flunking. She's told him several times that he was going to be held back by the principal and it didn't matter how well he's doing in school, there's no point as he's just going to fail.
    My conversations with the teachers has them stating that while he does have problems, he's in no danger of failing.
    Today was the last day of school. I don't speak to the admin. and was banned from the school after the wife assaulted me a few month back. While 'banned' I had a legal proxy act on my behalf for dealing with his school work and communicating with his teachers and class/ school activities so that method there of theirs didn't work. They tried to get around that by attempting to deny passing on any information to the proxy initially. But, after a day (I assume they contacted a lawyer) the principal complied.
    I'm currently biting my tongue but, may very well file a lawsuit once this is over.

    But, /end side tangent.

    I will restate, what JP sais is spot on.
    -God couldn't be everywhere, that's why we have America.
    -Use the Force...because prayer doesn't work.
    -If I mock you on a forum board...and you're too stupid to know...are you really being mocked?
    -Joseph of Nazareth said: "Healthy White baby, 5 year wait? What else you got?" to which the adoption agency replied "A Norse kid born with his heart on the outside. Hey, Zeus come 'er!"
    -"The only way to win is not to pray." - WOPR

  5. #5
    JPSartre12 Guest
    [QUOTE=Zardoz]I agree with JP.......
    QUOTE]

    Wow! Your situation sounds very similar to my brother's. He spent 4 years and >$10,000 trying to get custody of his 4 kids after his wife decided she wanted to run around. His youngest son went from failing grades to straight "A's" in ONE marking period after my brother got custody (not court ordered, however). When the kids realized that Dad was stricter than Mom, they drifted back to living with her and the grades dropped yet again.

    I wish you luck. It's a tough row to hoe but hang in there. It's worth it, IMO.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    7

    disciplining your children

    The coiled spring metaphor sounds good, but lacks deeper descriptions.
    I have four children, the eldest being almost sixteen. My wife and myself are very protective over our children. some people may condemn this, but reflecting our children against other children of the same ages it seems as if our actions are right, of course only time will tell. But the way we see it is we have a job/duty to bring our children from newborn to adulthood in a manner which will assist them throughout their lives. Instead of allowing them to get too much involved in the enviroment which surrounds us, we discribe scenarios in great detail, until we know they understand the dangers.
    The time is approaching fast when they will be doing their own things, and to release them into the world with the knowledge of potential dangers is better than to release them to learn the hard way. We are not exceptionally strict, but on the other hand they know what they will and will not get away with. We are gradually releasing them as in the coiled spring metaphor.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    2,485
    Quote Originally Posted by JPSartre12 View Post
    First, my wife and I have raised three kids, 23, 21 and 19. All are/were "A" students that never got into any trouble other than a few dumb deeds with their friends.
    You're philosophy is sound. Here are some of our suggestions:

    1.You give each kid enough slack to grow, but not enough to tangle the line.
    2. If you're consistent with your discipline and don't waver, they will never expect you to.
    3. It's better to punish harsh when they're young than when their older for major infractions. My kids learned at an early age that it was much better to own up to something than to lie. Lying was always punished harder than the offense.
    4. You're their parent, not their best friend. Never lose sight of that.
    5. Don't be a pedantic #####. Over-disciplining is as bad as under-disciplining.
    6. Explain why you're punishing them and never punish them out of anger. It'll bite you in the butt, guaranteed.
    7. Play an active part in your kids' lives. Coach, cheerlead, be a scout leader, share a hobby, anything and everything. Face time beats "quality time" every time. You can't expect to have a good relationship with your kids vicariously. You have to get your hands dirty.
    8. Read bedtime stories to them from the time they're born and they'll be reading to you before they even start school. It will give them a definite advantage when they go to school. (Trust me on this one. I have 3 straight A students that graduated HS 1st, 2nd and 5th in their respective classes.)
    9. Don't ever let them play one parent off against the other. Speak with ONLY one unified voice.
    10. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, but err on the side of caution. They didn't come with a training manual, don't beat yourself up if you screw up occasionally. When you do, come clean with them and yourself.

    Good luck. Parenting is the most rewarding job in the world.
    I agree with JP's philosophy here. This is how my parents raised me and I'm doing pretty well in life so far.
    "They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and [heck], we're not using it anymore."
    -Jay Leno

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Posts
    4,715
    Quote Originally Posted by JPSartre12 View Post

    1.You give each kid enough slack to grow, but not enough to tangle the line.
    2. If you're consistent with your discipline and don't waver, they will never expect you to.
    3. It's better to punish harsh when they're young than when their older for major infractions. My kids learned at an early age that it was much better to own up to something than to lie. Lying was always punished harder than the offense.
    4. You're their parent, not their best friend. Never lose sight of that.
    5. Don't be a pedantic #####. Over-disciplining is as bad as under-disciplining.
    6. Explain why you're punishing them and never punish them out of anger. It'll bite you in the butt, guaranteed.
    7. Play an active part in your kids' lives. Coach, cheerlead, be a scout leader, share a hobby, anything and everything. Face time beats "quality time" every time. You can't expect to have a good relationship with your kids vicariously. You have to get your hands dirty.
    8. Read bedtime stories to them from the time they're born and they'll be reading to you before they even start school. It will give them a definite advantage when they go to school. (Trust me on this one. I have 3 straight A students that graduated HS 1st, 2nd and 5th in their respective classes.)
    9. Don't ever let them play one parent off against the other. Speak with ONLY one unified voice.
    10. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, but err on the side of caution. They didn't come with a training manual, don't beat yourself up if you screw up occasionally. When you do, come clean with them and yourself.

    Good luck. Parenting is the most rewarding job in the world.
    'zactly! Kudos on an excellent post.

    And I must say I am jealous on number 8. My son is surrounded by avid readers/writers. He has been read to, bought books and encouraged to read since the day he left the womb. Yet he remains not the world's strongest reader and has no love for reading. (Is this Martian child really mine? ) He would rather be running, drawing or creating math problems for himself (he figured out multiplication by the time he was five).
    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? ” ~ Mark Twain

    "Those who are easily shocked... should be shocked more often" ~ Mae West

  9. #9
    peteratwar Guest
    Never be afraid to use the word 'No' and mean it and more importantly, keep to it

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