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Thread: Teaching responsibility

  1. #1
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    Teaching responsibility

    The other week I was discussing methods for teaching children to be responsible for themselves with my fiancee. We don't have kids yet, but definately plan on it.

    My plan was to buy the kids their own sets of cutlery and dishes, and to have them wash them themselves. I figure if you start doing this at the right age, do it with them, and make it as fun as possible (playing with bubbles and stuff) then the kids will learn from an early age to wash their own dishes. If, as they get older, they don't want to wash them, then thats fine. But then they will be stuck using dirty dishes. This will (hopefully) teach them that there are consequences to being lazy.

    I believe this theory can be used in all sorts of instances, like putting dirty clothes in the hamper, putting away toys, etc.

    My fiancee thinks this is a silly idea, although I suspect that is because she is very resistant to new ideas and this wasn't how she was raised.

    What do you good people think?
    It is not enough to know. One must apply.

    It is not enough to Will. One must act.

    - Bruce Lee

  2. #2
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    That's a great idea. And it works.
    Ain't life funny...

  3. #3
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    Best laid plans..........

    It will be more like, "Take that McDonald's bag and throw it in the trash! Take your soda can too!"

    What ever plan you come up with is a good one as long as you guys are trying your best to be a part of their raising and not make them have to go on their own about learning things. Structure. Kids need structure.

    You will also notice that you will get more advice on how to raise your kids properly from your friends, who don't actually have any of their own, than you will from experienced parents. Except for Grandma. Grandmas usually think they are the ONLY ones who know how to raise your kids properly.

    Good luck.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truthsayer
    Best laid plans..........

    It will be more like, "Take that McDonald's bag and throw it in the trash! Take your soda can too!"

    What ever plan you come up with is a good one as long as you guys are trying your best to be a part of their raising and not make them have to go on their own about learning things. Structure. Kids need structure.

    You will also notice that you will get more advice on how to raise your kids properly from your friends, who don't actually have any of their own, than you will from experienced parents. Except for Grandma. Grandmas usually think they are the ONLY ones who know how to raise your kids properly.

    Good luck.
    I shoulda said that, myself.
    You hit the nail on the head, Truthsayer.
    Ain't life funny...

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Big Orn
    I shoulda said that, myself.
    You hit the nail on the head, Truthsayer.
    Why thank you Big Orn. They don't call me Truthsayer for nothing.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truthsayer
    Why thank you Big Orn. They don't call me Truthsayer for nothing.
    I call 'em like I see 'um - so get ready...

    And, you're welcome. I'm just glad to see that most folks here (or that cares to reply) have "seen the light". Yelling at children, imo, is much worse than a spanking.
    Ain't life funny...

  7. #7
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    Well, just my opinion, but this worked for me.

    The trick is to get your bluff in when they are very young. Between 1 and 3 years old. And if the dicipline calls for some hiney-poppin', a rolled up newspaper works wonders. It doesn't actually cause any measurable pain but it makes a LOUD wallop. Once that bluff is firmly in place, the rest is much easier. And fortunantly, much like a an infants circumcision (OUCH! ) they will be to young to ever remember you ever spanking them at all. Yet that "parental" intimidation remains.

    I couldn't ask for better behaved children. Honestly, I have never truly spanked either of them and rarely have even raised my voice. Like I said, I got my bluff in early. They may not remember WHY they obey me, but they do, just the same.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adept
    The other week I was discussing methods for teaching children to be responsible for themselves with my fiancee. We don't have kids yet, but definately plan on it.

    My plan was to buy the kids their own sets of cutlery and dishes, and to have them wash them themselves. I figure if you start doing this at the right age, do it with them, and make it as fun as possible (playing with bubbles and stuff) then the kids will learn from an early age to wash their own dishes. If, as they get older, they don't want to wash them, then thats fine. But then they will be stuck using dirty dishes. This will (hopefully) teach them that there are consequences to being lazy.

    I believe this theory can be used in all sorts of instances, like putting dirty clothes in the hamper, putting away toys, etc.

    My fiancee thinks this is a silly idea, although I suspect that is because she is very resistant to new ideas and this wasn't how she was raised.

    What do you good people think?
    Be sure to marry that girl, she's wiser than you.

    They should do what you want because you want it, period. Dealing with them as equals is foolish IMO. If they don't mind dirty clothes, then what?
    Btw good luck remodeling the kitchen to accomodate shorties.
    "They asked if I had found Jesus and I didn't even know He was missing."

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truthsayer
    What ever plan you come up with is a good one as long as you guys are trying your best to be a part of their raising and not make them have to go on their own about learning things. Structure. Kids need structure.

    You will also notice that you will get more advice on how to raise your kids properly from your friends, who don't actually have any of their own, than you will from experienced parents. Except for Grandma. Grandmas usually think they are the ONLY ones who know how to raise your kids properly.

    Good luck.
    Hmmm.... I agree with you on the yelling is worse than spanking, but I'm going to completely disagree with you on the structure.
    It's just a matter of opinion.
    I was raised completely without structure, but I learned how to make my own decisions at an early age because of it. Never been in jail, Never in trouble with the law, school, etc.
    Structure is good, but that depends on what kind of structure you're talking about.
    Grounding and curfews are stupid in my opinion. Never had them, and never needed them. If I couldn't perform my task the next day because I was out too late then night before, I accepted the consequences and learned that way. I'd rather learn WHY it was a good Idea to be home at a certain time, rather just to be told.
    Grounding? All that does is create hostility, because half the time, the child doesn't even comprehend why they're being punished. Make them deal with their consequences.
    Now with that said....
    Adapt,
    It's a good idea, but it sounds almost like you're planning on teaching your child ADULT responisbilities. That might just be a bad idea. You don't want your kids latching on to adult responsibilites right away do you? I wouldn't give a 5 year old a credit card.
    Stick with something like teaching them to put away their toys first or something. If they don't, they disappear, or the have to work to get them back... something of the sort. The dishes thing... the right Idea but I wouldn't use that example specifically.
    "You can see the stars and still not see the light"

  10. #10
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    there's a way to get kids to wash.

    Teach them how to cook. Then instate the rule that the one who cooks doesn't have to wash. I remember as a kid HATING dish washing but cooking was to a degree fun. Then start assgining them days to cook. Personal responsbility will soon follow. It worked for me. Sneaky parents I had.
    Some people love their country because of what it is, because of the principles it is built on, because of its prosperity and freedom. Then others love their country because it is their country, and will destroy all that is actually good about it to silence those who disagree. Which do you think you are? - Symbiote

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Duo_Maxwell
    there's a way to get kids to wash.

    Teach them how to cook. Then instate the rule that the one who cooks doesn't have to wash. I remember as a kid HATING dish washing but cooking was to a degree fun. Then start assgining them days to cook. Personal responsbility will soon follow. It worked for me. Sneaky parents I had.
    Thats clever. I like that.

    Thanks a lot guys, I'm getting a lot of good feedback from this thread.
    It is not enough to know. One must apply.

    It is not enough to Will. One must act.

    - Bruce Lee

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Truthsayer
    Well, just my opinion, but this worked for me.

    The trick is to get your bluff in when they are very young. Between 1 and 3 years old. And if the dicipline calls for some hiney-poppin', a rolled up newspaper works wonders. It doesn't actually cause any measurable pain but it makes a LOUD wallop. Once that bluff is firmly in place, the rest is much easier. And fortunantly, much like a an infants circumcision (OUCH! ) they will be to young to ever remember you ever spanking them at all. Yet that "parental" intimidation remains.
    Hehehe you go that right. We never did the whole newspaper thing, but spankings do not actually have to cause any pain as long as the kid knows they are being punished. I have a 2 yr old. I will give here a little swat ont he butt and sometimes she will look at me to see if I am spanking, or playing. If I am spanking, she starts crying and is inconsolable. If I am playing she laughs.

    We put here in time out sometimes, usually when she is tired and cranky and I can't get her to take a nap (she always falls asleep in time out, after a suitable period of grieving for her situation). I never put her in time out unless it is called for, but when she is tied it does not take long for her to do something that warrants time out.

    The funny thing about time out at our house is that it is indistinguishable from regular. We have a rocking chair in our living room that she has kind of claimed as her own. She lays in the chair and watches TV. when she is in time out, she lays in the chair, usually watching TV. The only diffrence is that she knows she is in time out. When she gets older, she will probably figure things out a little better and we will actually have to remove her to another room for time out. Half the time she gets out of time out, gets up, walks around the room a couple of times, then sits back down in the chair.

    All dependant on the child in question, of course. My daugther cna be reduce to tears...literally crying until she vomits, by a stern look and a pointed finger (from me, doesn't work for my wife). Just the fact that she is in trouble breaks her little heart. Nto all kids are like that (I know I wasn't).
    If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you; May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen. —Samuel Adams

  13. #13
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    Daewoo;

    You sound like a great parent. I wish there were more parents like you in this country.
    Having foster-care children in my home, teaches one how to be a parent; REAL QUICK ! But, the joy those kids brought me, is now being returned to me ten-fold. I always wanted my own children, but some things are not meant to be.

  14. #14
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    Uhhhh, hi.

    Waxy

  15. #15
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    I think it depends on what kind of child you get. For most kids, your idea should work fine, so long as you help them and teach them how to do things properly (e.g., tidying room isn't stuffing things under bed; washing dishes isn't spraying them with water, but actually scrubbing and so on).

    My parents rarely set limits on me. They left me to do what I wanted, so long as I took responsibility for that (bar education, but I wanted to do well in that anyway, so it made little difference). A classic example was when I wanted to jump out of a first story window into our pond. I asked if I could. My dad said "Sure, but you'll be walking to A&E on your own with your broken legs" I got the message. That style of parenting seemed to work on me.

    -Wez

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