Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: For all of our snowbound members

  1. #1
    JPSartre12 Guest

    For all of our snowbound members

    A friend of mine sent this to me. Given the recent snow storms bestowed upon people not used to such fare, I thought it was appropriate.
    Diary of a snow shoveler

    **December 8 - 6:00 PM***
    It started to snow.
    The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and
    sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
    from heaven.
    It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
    So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
    I love snow!

    **December 9**
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
    inch of the landscape.
    What a fantastic sight!
    Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
    Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
    Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
    I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks
    and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
    What a perfect life!

    **December 12**
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
    Such a disappointment!
    My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
    No snow on Christmas would be awful!
    Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never
    want to see snow again
    I don't think that's possible.
    Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    **December 14**
    Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
    The temperature dropped to -20.
    The cold makes everything sparkle so.
    The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the
    driveway and sidewalks.
    This is the life!
    The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
    I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
    I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
    I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
    **December 15***
    20 inches forecast.
    Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
    Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
    Stocked the freezer.
    The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
    I think that's silly.
    We aren't in Alaska, after all.

    **December 16**
    Ice storm this morning.
    Fell on my XXX on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
    Hurt like hell.
    The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    **December 17**
    Still way below freezing.
    Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
    Electricity was off for 5 hours.
    I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
    Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
    Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
    God I hate it when she's right.
    I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    **December 20**
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
    More shoveling!
    Took all day.
    The damn snowplow came by twice.
    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy
    playing hockey.
    I think they're lying.
    Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow
    blower and they're out.
    Might have another shipment in March.
    I think they're lying.
    Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
    I think he's lying.
    **December 22***
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the
    white XXXX fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till
    Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then
    I had to XXXX.
    By the time I got undressed, XXXXXX and dressed again. I was too tired
    to shovel.
    Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the
    winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the XXXXXXX is lying.

    **December 23**
    Only 2 inches of snow today
    And it warmed up to 0.
    The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
    What is she, nuts?!!
    Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
    She says she did but I think she's lying.

    **December 24**
    6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
    Thought I was having a heart attack.
    If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll
    drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my
    broken shovel.
    I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling
    and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws
    snow all over where I've just been!
    Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open
    our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

    **December 25**
    Merry freaking Christmas!
    20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
    The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
    God, I hate the snow!
    Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him
    over the head with my shovel.
    The wife says I have a bad attitude.
    I think she's an XXXXX.
    If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to
    stuff her into the microwave.

    **December 26**
    Still snowed in.
    Why the hell did I ever move here?
    It was all HER idea.
    She's really getting on my nerves.

    **December 27**
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14
    hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my

    **December 28**
    Warmed up to above -20.
    Still snowed in.
    The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

    **December 29**
    10 more inches.
    Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
    That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    **December 30**
    Roof caved in.
    I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million
    dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove
    the broken snow shovel up his XXX.
    The wife went home to her mother.
    Nine more inches predicted.

    **December 31**
    I set fire to what's left of the house.
    No more shoveling.

    **January 8**
    Feel so good.
    I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
    Why am I tied to the bed?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Ha! However one of the gifts of teenagers is their built in shoveling capabilities.
    “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? ” ~ Mark Twain

    "Those who are easily shocked... should be shocked more often" ~ Mae West

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Western Pennsylvania
    How did your friend find my journal?!
    "A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have." ~ Gerald Ford

    "What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving." ~ Adrian Rogers

    Support gun control: hit your target when shooting!

    I regret my user name.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Hope everything's better this year.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts