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Thread: Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. #1
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    Chuck Norris Jokes

    Post em here.

    Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

    If, by some time-space paradox, Chuck Norris ever fought himself, he'd win. Period.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero, but nobody asks how.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't pushing himself up; he's pushing the world down.

    There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris got chilly so he turned the sun up.
    My imaginary friend left me. He said his other friends didn't believe in me.

    Spending our way out of the recession is like drinking our way out of alcoholism.

    "My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
    ~ Thomas Jefferson

  2. #2
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    Chuck Norris believes in a "socialist agenda" now that's a joke but it;s far beyond a laughing matter.

  3. #3
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    Chuck Norris is so tough, Captain Crunch doesn't hurt the roof of his mouth.
    "Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun)". -Eddie Izzard

    Long is the way
    And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light. -Milton

  4. #4
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    When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor; never slap Chuck Norris.
    My imaginary friend left me. He said his other friends didn't believe in me.

    Spending our way out of the recession is like drinking our way out of alcoholism.

    "My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
    ~ Thomas Jefferson

  5. #5
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    Chuck Norris is cool.

    If people want to make fun of someone try Barney Franks or that imbecile Harry Reid.
    Last edited by Easyrider; 12-18-2009 at 04:07 AM.
    “For the scientist who has lived by his faith in the power of reason, the story ends like a bad dream. He has scaled the mountains of ignorance; he is about to conquer the highest peak; as he pulls himself over the final rock, he is greeted by a band of theologians who have been sitting there for centuries.” - Robert Jastrow

  6. #6
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    Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

    Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

    Chuck Norris does not wear a watch; he decides what time it is.

    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right fists.

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

    Jesus can walk on water; Chuck Norris can swim through earth.

    The band Disturbed used to be called I'm Fine. Then they saw Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris was once bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking. After six hours of excruciating pain, the rattlesnake died.

    Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in 20 seconds.

    Chuck Norris once finished an Everlasting Gobstopper.
    Last edited by Ethmi; 12-19-2009 at 03:41 AM.
    My imaginary friend left me. He said his other friends didn't believe in me.

    Spending our way out of the recession is like drinking our way out of alcoholism.

    "My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from too much government."
    ~ Thomas Jefferson

  7. #7
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    Chuck Norris has tears that can cure cancer... but Chuck Norris has never cried.


    ***Side Note: My friend's husband actually has Chuck Norris as his godfather. How random is that?***

  8. #8
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    Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac and Chicken McNuggets. He got them.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by dcraw5566 View Post
    Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a Big Mac and Chicken McNuggets. He got them.
    Took me a moment to get that one.
    "A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have." ~ Gerald Ford

    "What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving." ~ Adrian Rogers

    Support gun control: hit your target when shooting!

    I regret my user name.

  10. #10
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    Chuck Norris is the end of the number pie. He is the end of everything.
    "...I have a dream. A dream that one day, all men will be created equal..." - Martin Luther King Jr.

    "He or she who supports a State organized in a military way – whether directly or indirectly – participates in sin. Each man takes part in the sin by contributing to the maintenance of the State by paying taxes." -Gandhi

  11. #11
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    Chuck Norris's forecast: Cloudy with a 90% chance of PAIN!
    "...I have a dream. A dream that one day, all men will be created equal..." - Martin Luther King Jr.

    "He or she who supports a State organized in a military way – whether directly or indirectly – participates in sin. Each man takes part in the sin by contributing to the maintenance of the State by paying taxes." -Gandhi

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